Faith Introspection Parenting Society and Culture

Looking inward

July 15, 2020

Sometimes I need to just check out from the world and dig deep inward, or I get lost. Here are some blessings I’m counting right now…

We do not live on a schedule anymore. This is both weird and wonderful. There is no such thing as weekends, no such thing as Monday mornings, bedtimes, or alarm clocks (except on the rare occasion that I’ve scheduled something before 10:00 a.m.).

My 7-year-old is such a night owl that I cannot stay up as late as him, and I’m tired of fighting it. The old argument that “it’s a school night” no longer works. So I took a deep breath, asked myself if this was really a hill I was willing to die on, and decided that this child is happy, healthy, kind, and smart. Why am I fighting his true nature when there are no outside pressures to do so?

Now he puts me to bed most nights. He comes into my room, gives me the same ugga mugga love nudge he’s been giving since he was teeny tiny, and says, “Mom, I’m praying for you.” Then he folds his hands, bows his head, closes his eyes, and goes quiet for several seconds.

When he opens his eyes, he looks at me earnestly and says, “Did you get it?”

The first time he asked me this question I was confused. “Get what?”

“My prayer! Didn’t God send it to you?”

Now I know how to respond. “Yes, I got it.”

And you know what? I do. Every. Single. Time.

Here’s another blessing I’m counting…

Several weeks ago, my normally reserved 13-year-old came up to me not long after I’d taken a shower and gave me a big hug.

He took a deep breath, burrowing his face into my still-wet hair. I melted into this rare moment of affection. I would have been satisfied with only this, forever.

Then he said, “You smell like childhood, like when I was little and you wrapped me up in your fuzzy robe and snuggled me.”

And that is when I learned that it’s not only sad things that break your heart. Sometimes you can feel so much love that your heart can swell beyond its limits to the point of aching.

But it’s a good ache.

Today I wish for everyone to be loved like this, so purely, for no other reason than you exist and you’ve done your best, without expectation of anything in return.

Life is scary and uncertain. But amidst all the pain, all the strife, all the hatred, there is still peace in the quiet corners, where people are good, and love still wins.

Copyright © 2020 Sara Beth Wald