Do it right the first time

November 9, 2013

When I was growing up, a common mantra among adults was the idea that it is sometimes easier to do wrong than right, but we should do the right thing anyway.

I remember this advice given a lot in high school about drinking, smoking, dating.

It might be more fun to drink and smoke and fool around, and it might be hard to say no to peer pressure, but refraining is still the right thing to do.

But is it really easier to do the wrong thing?

Ten years later, when you’re living with the consequences of those choices – the internal or external costs of the stupid things you did when you were drunk, the $150 per month cigarette habit, the broken hearts of failed relationships – wouldn’t saying no in the first place have been much easier?

Here’s a less life-altering example:

I said something rude and hurtful about someone this week.  That wasn’t my intention, but it happened. 

Someone wanted a physical description of someone else so they could identify them.  Nothing I said was clicking in her mind. 

Finally, I pointed out a physical attribute that I knew would do the trick. 

I regretted it immediately after it came out of my mouth. I knew if it ever got back to the other person it might hurt her feelings.

I apologized to the person I was speaking to.  But of course, she wasn’t really the one who deserved the apology.

I couldn’t apologize to the person who actually deserved it because I’d have to tell her what I’d said. I would hurt her feelings to ease my own conscience, which would just make things worse.

I spent the whole weekend quietly stewing over my mistake.

What I said wasn’t earth shattering.  If it got back to the person she might even just shrug and say, “Yeah, so what?” 

As is often the case with me, I let a relatively small infraction cast a shadow long after everyone else involved had moved on (or in this case, didn’t even know it had happened). 

Wouldn’t my life have been easier if I’d done the right thing in the first place and just kept my mouth shut?

What I’m going to tell my kids is that doing the right thing is almost always easier. 

Yes, it’s good to be positive and make good choices because it’s the right thing to do.  But it’s also the practical thing to do.

If you have any conscience at all, when you do something bad it will nag at you and cloud your life for days or weeks or years to come – maybe even for the rest of your life.

I know that every time I see the person I made a rude comment about I’m going to remember what I said.  And it’s going to bug me.

We are raised to do the right thing because it’s important to treat other people with respect and kindness. 

But it’s also important to treat yourself with respect and kindness.  Poor choices don’t just hurt other people.  They hurt you, too.

Save yourself the trouble and just do the right thing in the first place.

This article first appeared in the Lewistown News-Argus and the Sidney (Mont.) Herald on November 9, 2013.