Was it worth it?

September 13, 2014

I have been a stay-at-home mom for the past three-and-a half months. And I’m loving it.

So why have I been so unwilling to commit to the idea of being at home?

Why do I feel like I’m “coming out” as a stay-at-home mom, and why did it take me over three months to do it?

I’m one of those people who has more education than is really necessary.

I have one of those advanced degrees that make for good chitty chat and might lead to some interesting opportunities.

But I’m probably not going to get rich, and unless I encounter a little old blind man about to step in front of a speeding bus, I’m probably not going to save any lives… not in the literal, tangible sense, anyway.

Every now and then I get a lecture from some well-meaning person about my “legacy” and “wasted talent.”

And mostly I smile and nod and politely blow them off.

Because I know that my legacy is two well-raised sons, a healthy marriage, and a catalog of thoughts and musings written in newspaper column form.

Because whether or not I’m wasting my talent is highly subjective, and I respectfully disagree.

Then again… somewhere deep inside me is a little voice that wonders if those critics are right.

Did I spend all those years on my education and career so I could turn folding laundry into a toddler’s game?

I am hardly the only woman asking myself this question.

I am a statistic; a number in thousands of research studies conducted to prove once and for all that the Women’s Movement was or was not worth it.

I loved and admired my grandmother more than anyone else who has touched my life.

She was strong and smart and giving and authentically type-A in a way that only a kindred soul can truly appreciate.

She grew up in a time when women had very few options. She dedicated her life to cooking and cleaning and sewing and gardening and she made Martha Stewart look like a pansy.

There was nothing “wasted” about her life.

And yet, she always wanted more – more education, more choices.

And so here I sit at a laptop, highly educated, experienced, and nearly twenty years older than my grandmother was when her kids were my children’s age.

I’m wearing a bathrobe. I’m trying to pound out a column before the toddler wakes from his nap.

Was it really worth all the blood, sweat, and tears of an entire generation of women to free us from the bonds of domesticity, just so subsequent generations could agonize over too many choices and ultimately end up exactly where their mothers and grandmothers didn’t want to be?

The answer, for me, lies in the knowledge that my grandmother is looking down at me from Heaven with a heart swell of pride and a bit of envy.

Oh, what she would have given to have the education, the experience, the confidence, and the opportunity to write about her place in history in a public forum.

Oh, what she would have given to have the choice.

It was absolutely worth it. And I thank all those women who gave me the opportunity to choose.

This article first appeared in the Lewistown News-Argus and the Sidney (Mont.) Herald on September 13, 2014.